Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Too Much Stress - (Germany) Day 337

I woke up way too early with a raging headache most likely due to all the stress on me. I laid in bed until my alarm clock went off at 0530, then got ready and headed out for PT. PT was here on PHV and was a run for the normal folks, while I headed into the gym for cardio on the bicycle. With my headache and my mind on everything else going on, I didn't get much of a workout at all. I just kind of went through the motions and then headed back home to get ready for my day. I was told I'd be heading to S1 and doing whatever they needed me to do today.

I headed to the office after gassing up the car. I headed to the shoppette first in order to fill up my gas card because I had put myself in the negative by a bit. On my way to the shoppette the first sergeant saw me and called me over to his car. He then chewed my ass for a while. What a crappy way to start the day. My head is pounding and I already feel like shit, then I have the first sergeant ripping me a new one. He then goes on to question if I'm a terrorist or not. WTF? I tried to explain this blog was just a way to let family & friends back home know what I do everyday…and get everything off my chest for the night to relieve some stress. He would have none of it and proceeded to chew me out some more. I was told nobody trusts me anymore, I can't access any computer system, and my security clearance has been suspended. I just think this whole thing has gotten a little out of hand. He had a number of pages from my blog printed off in his lap and kept going through them and shaking his head, then chewing me out some more.

I then went off and filled my gas card, and headed to S1. I did menial work for the sergeant in charge there because I couldn't get on any computers. They had me organize a couple supply closets before lunch. I was fine with it and did the best I could…it kept me busy and passed the time.

I headed home for lunch and tried to just relax a bit. On the way back to work, I pretty much broke down. I kept thinking of all the "what ifs" that may happen to me. Am I going to jail? Am I going to get dishonorably discharged? They are going to make an example of me, this I do know. I got myself back together and continued to head into the S1 office. I then did some more cleaning and organizing before our company commander came in and took me into an office. This conversation was much better than the one with the first sergeant. I was finally told why they are taking my blog as such a security threat. It's because in their eyes I've put myself, my wife and my co-workers at risk. I was then told of some actual events that have happened here in Germany with a soldier being killed and his ID taken after he drank a little too much and gave up a little too much information about how important he was. His ID was then used to get on a post and a bomb was set off. Someone else had their wife kidnapped and they were going to use her to force him to give up classified information, luckily this was stopped by police before anything happened.

I realized that even though pretty much everything I put on my blog can be found on Google, I did mention a lot about what I do and that is what put me and everyone at risk. It wouldn't take much for someone to figure out who I am or who my wife is and then take action. I did apologize to my commander and let him know that none of this was my intent at all. It was only to relieve some stress and keep my family in the loop. He said the decision of what will happen to me is coming from higher up than him, but I felt like at least he knows where I'm coming from and I'm not a freakin' terrorist.

I continued to do odd jobs for S1 for the rest of the day and was let off at 1600 for the day. I headed home and cooked dinner. I received calls from our CAM, my boss, and SPC Mac again tonight making sure I was OK and letting me know they are supporting me. Our CAM really wants me back in the office, but I'm not sure if that will happen. I know they want to make an example of me, I guess I'll just have to wait and see what kind of punishment I'll get.

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